Are You Making These 10 Parenting Mistakes?

Despite the best efforts of the parents to shape a better life for the child, they can sometimes go wrong in their decisions. Of course, this is never intentional, but the reality is that it does have negative effects on the child. In the pursuit of being the best parents, they make some simple but substantial parenting mistakes that are totally avoidable.

While being emotionally attached to their children, they make every effort to make the lives of their kids comfortable so that they can get all the facilities and support that they need for the healthy growth of mind and body. But, sometimes, parenting mistakes do happen when things go wrong and that leads to the spoiling of children in the long run.

How parents spoil kids and the corrective measures

Just a little thought towards this, too, and they are well on course towards being the best parents for the kid. While every effort should be made so that the kids do get what is best for them, we should still be watchful of any wrong move too. So, some corrective measures, if taken on time or well before making any mistake, will go a long way in shaping a better life for kids.

Any small parenting mistakes made repeatedly in the course of time may set a bad precedent and that is how parents may end up spoiling their kids. Showering love and affection towards the kid is necessary but there are always riders associated with it. Better to be cautious and check for any mistakes rather than regret them later on.

Therefore, we shall try to find out some of the actions or decisions of parents and how parents spoil their kids. Also, we will try to find the remedies or the corrective measures for it.

1. Being overprotective

Some parents are just too possessive about their kids that they start to overprotect them. A genuine concern about the child is perfectly fine and essential, too. After all, your kids are counting on you for every need and want in their lives.

But have we ever imagined how this overprotection is making your kid a dependable person for his future life? We can understand these parenting mistakes through some examples.

Doing the homework for kids themselves

For every assignment given to your kid from school, we start to take the entire burden on ourselves. Of course, your child has to be guided and helped out in whatever tasks are given by the school, if the kids need someone’s help. But at the same time, your kid needs to understand that homework is a task given to him or her only, and they have the moral responsibility to complete the task.

So, the studies and the homework have to be completed by themselves only and not you. Parents nowadays start to scratch their heads over every assignment of their child, which is not doing any good to their child. This parenting mistake has to be corrected by the parents only.

Defending them for any mistake they make

For any mistake of the kid, the parents or at least one of the parents, start to defend it needlessly, which is a grave parenting mistake. This thing does have its drawbacks when the kid feels protective all the time. It will never think twice before doing any forbidden task in the future with this kind of attitude from parents.

A kid never getting to hear a word or two from parents on a mistake made would do more harm in the future. It gradually encourages them to do more experiments like the earlier ones, as they won’t realize any harm in doing so. Once given a free hand, any mistake serves as a recipe for a disaster later on and is a parenting mistake that needs correction.

Surrounding them with gadgetry

In an endeavor to make their kid enjoy every facility of life, parents surround their kids with all the electronic and electrical gadgets. One can understand that every parent wants their child to have an obstacle-free life, but too much is not good and this is counted as a parenting mistake.

We tend to give them mobiles, laptops, music devices, access to full internet, branded clothes, round-the-clock AC facility, a car to go everywhere, etc. But is this required on a large scale? A parent must think twice before bestowing the kid with these gadgets and ask themselves whether the kid needs them.

Stopping the kid from socializing

Sometimes, we tend to stop kids from mixing with other children in the park or in the neighborhood. The reason is that we fear the kid getting infected. Or else,  falling ill due to the poor hygiene of other people with whom the kid comes in contact.

It is a parenting mistake to stop the kids from socializing at their level, which is very important for their mental growth. By mixing with other kids only, the kid is going to explore the outer world. Somewhere, a line needs to be drawn and make your kid work it out a little so that they see life through close quarters.

Being overprotective and a parenting mistake, which not only are we weakens the kid’s immune system, but also spoils the kid in the process. Let your kid start to take life in its stride and be independent as quickly as they can. Life is not easy for anyone and by being overprotective, we are making it more difficult for them.

2. Being too liberal with the kids

Nowadays, it is considered a symbol of high society if you are too liberal with your kids. To sound nice, the parents start to give all the independence to kids in every matter. Whether it is the decision of selecting the car, clothes, vacations, etc. This may seem to be a great quality of parents, allowing the kids to be self-reliant and independent, but in reality, it is a parenting mistake.

In the first instance, it looks like a good habit not to pressure the kids into making decisions. In fact, in today’s world, the freedom to make decisions is key to making your kids strong mentally. However, at times this doesn’t work like that, and things go wrong unexpectedly. So, in a way, being too liberal may be counterproductive if not being vigilant towards the child.

Allowing them to have full control

Kids, often due to inexperience and immaturity, may end up on the wrong side of things. Some important decisions need parental intervention. Too much liberalism can lead to a difficult situation for the kids. It is a parenting mistake to allow the kids to do whatever they want just to prove to society that they are modern and liberal with them.

For example, if you allow the kids to decide on the purchase of a car, it may or may not turn out to be a good decision. You, being experienced enough, may select the best among them, considering all the pros and cons, but your kid may go for something flashy and fast-moving, neglecting the safety features.

Being unaware of the kids’ lives

Although parents need to be liberal in their approach toward their kids, parents must be involved too. Being informed about children’s lives is in favor of everyone. The kids will never falter and the parents, too, won’t have to face any disappointment at the end.

It is very necessary to have a complete knowledge of whatever is happening in the child’s life. One incident and everything will take an ugly turn for them.

Your timely guidance and experienced approach may help a lot in these situations. Therefore, be liberal but have an eye on the situations arising out of it. This will save your kids from being spoiled and you are absolved of this parenting mistake.

3. Belittling the kids in front of others

One of the wrong notions of some parents is their perception that they can never go wrong. This attitude is not right anyway, even while dealing with mature people, leaving the kids behind.

We are all humans and being humans, we are prone to making mistakes and wrong decisions. No person doesn’t make mistakes. But it is a very bad habit to shift the blame to others to prove ourselves right. We adopt the same approach towards the kids, too.

While having a high opinion of ourselves, we tend to think that we can never go wrong with anything. And it is in this overconfidence that parents start to belittle their kids, which is a big parenting mistake. The worst part is that sometimes we do that in front of others, like helpers, family friends or the kids’ friends too.

Parents induce negativity in the kid 

Anything the kids say or want to put forth as their viewpoint, we ignore and avoid hearing. This ignoring of the kids’ opinions, however small or big it is, has a very negative impact on the kids. As a parent, our job is to give confidence to the kid, but the reverse happens. We either laugh at the kid or just ask him or her to keep quiet, which is a grave and big parenting mistake.

The argument we put forth to the kid is “You don’t know anything,” or “What do you know about it,” or “Just keep quiet, you have no knowledge”. This is a big factor in spoiling the temperament and confidence of the kid.

By hearing these statements time and again, the kid gets negative vibes from parents. These sarcastic words are not going to help the kids at all. This parenting mistake needs correction very early in the life of the child.

Demean the kids now and then

Demeaning own child is one of the biggest parenting mistakes and should be stopped at once. Instead of belittling our child in front of others or otherwise, we need to send positive vibes to the kid. Even if we know that the kid is immature and will make mistakes, we need to ignore these mistakes. They do make silly mistakes as they are inexperienced.

However, that does not mean we should belittle them or ridicule them. This trait will be remembered by the kid even when he or she grows up. It can have a psychological impact on the mind of the kid, which can hamper their mental growth and dent his or her confidence.

Therefore, correct this parenting mistake and allow the kids to express themselves and let them make mistakes, as they can only learn by faltering and rising again.

4. Wanting kids to imitate or follow you

Some highly self-opinionated parents try to relive their lives by seeing their kids as their shadows. In this desire, they expect their kids to get inspired by their parents’ achievements (whatever they are) and follow them.

This is never good for the kids’ mental state and is a big parenting mistake. Kids surely are an extension of their parents but it never means that they don’t have their personalities and thought processes.

By forcing this expectation on the kids, the parents are doing more harm to their kids. Expressing this expectation time and again to kids is how parents spoil kids in the process and is a big parenting mistake.

Trying to make up for their shortcomings through kids

Parents forget that each individual has their own learning and experiences to bank upon. No one has a perfect life, but life still has to go on with whatever we have. Our life is the outcome of our deeds and thoughts and we are fully responsible for whatever has happened in our lives. Expecting children to fulfill our dreams is a grave parenting mistake and this must not be the case.

There may be proud moments and some regrets in our lives, but that does not mean that our shortcomings are to be filled by our children. If they do something on their own that can help us in any way, then that is good. But otherwise, parents should not expect their kids to stitch their torn patches of life and work towards making their parents’ lives better.

For example, a dejected father who could not become a doctor tries to fulfill his dream through his child. The moment a child is born, it is deemed to be a second chance by the father.

However, when the child grows up in such an environment where every move is calculated and weighed by the parents with unfulfilled desires, the child gets confused, which will be counted as a parenting mistake.

The kid is caught in a state between his or her self and that of parents. So, they start to live their life as per their parents’ wishes. The result is that it is not able to live its own life and is forced to follow the footprints of the father. This expectation spoils the kid’s personality and, as expected, doesn’t allow it to reach its full potential.

Molding the personality of a child

No amount of stress or pressure is beneficial to the kid, even though it may culminate in the fulfillment of the parent’s wishes. The child may work as per the parent’s pressure, but their personality will be underdeveloped. Your kid may look like a perfect and disciplined child to you, but internally, the kid is psychologically affected.

The best strategy for the parents is to let the child live their own life. It is a parenting mistake to pressurize the children to behave, perform or work in a certain fashion that satisfies the ego of the parent. The potential of the kid will always remain hidden in an attempt to live the life that the parents want for him or her.  

Therefore, don’t force your child to follow you or your ways of life. If the kid does that himself, then it is a natural inspiration to him or her, but not by force. Who knows, the kid may excel in whatever it does, even more than the unsatisfied parent’s achievements.

5. Fighting in front of kids

One of the bad habits and a big parenting mistake is arguing and even fighting in front of the kids. The kind of impact that the kids have on the psyche is horrible and the trauma of this remains forever with the kid. Having disagreements between individuals is natural. However, whatever we portray in front of the child will reflect on their personality.

Discussing contentious issues

Discussions and arguments are inevitable in relations and do crop up from time to time. However, one of the parenting mistakes of the parents is that they start to argue over just about anything in front of the small kids.

Being adults, there should be certain boundaries in our behavior, in front of kids, especially when they are small. Even if the issue is very important and worth discussing, it can be avoided in front of the small kid. Just avoiding this small parenting mistake can work wonders for the child.

Whatever happens at home in front of the kid, the impression of the same will last very long in their life. The fights and arguments have a very disturbing effect on the young, impressionable mind. These incidents generate very negative vibes and have an effect on the performance of the kid, be it in studies, sports or while socializing with others.

Violent behavior in front of kids

Behaving violently in front of their children is a big parenting mistake. Sometimes these heated arguments take a very ugly shape and result in even violence in extreme cases. In a fit of rage, the father or mother throws whatever they can find on the ground or even in some cases, on each other. This creates a lot of disturbance and turbulence in the home and has a direct impact on the young child.

Henceforth, the impact of these incidents will reflect on the child’s report card and other activities such as sports, quizzes, competitions, etc. It is very important for the parents to behave rationally and avoid this parenting mistake at all costs.

Making the child the middleman

Another parenting mistake is when the parents start involving the child in their arguments — either directly or indirectly.

Statements like “Tell your father I’m not speaking to him” or “Ask your mother why she’s always angry” push the child into an emotionally uncomfortable position.

This not only increases the child’s stress levels but also creates confusion about loyalties and family roles. The child may feel forced to pick sides or may even start blaming themselves for the conflicts at home.

This parenting mistake can lead to guilt, anxiety, and insecurity in the child. Instead, parents should shield their children from such emotional burdens and resolve disagreements in private and with mutual respect.

It is better if we let the discussion on important topics take a backseat, at least in front of the kid. You can discuss it later on when the kid is not around. Anyway, we should try to shape the future of our kids in a good and peaceful environment only. At least, the kid should take only positivity from parents, which will do a lot of good to their future also.

6. Comparing kids with other children

Another parenting mistake is that kids don’t do well in their studies or they make a mistake and the parents start to scold them or compare them with others. Every child is different and by no means is your kid inferior to any other child.

However, our expectations being too much, we start to ignore other qualities that your child may have and start comparing them. This is not a good habit and rather works in the opposite direction. We don’t realize that it will hurt our kids.

Constant scolding and comparing

Parents may think that comparing their kids with others may encourage them to perform better. It is a big parenting mistake as it may further irritate the kid.

The irritating sentences for the kid are “See how your friend has been doing at studies,” or “The neighbor’s son is too good at maths, ours is just dumb,” or “My friend’s daughter has secured 1st position in class and our kid has just managed to pass,” and so on.

Things like these won’t always encourage your kid to do better but rather may even spoil him or her.

Your kid may think, “Whatever I do, my parents are going to complain or compare me with others anyway”. Or “My parents always insult me in front of others, so I also don’t care now”.

This may even turn your kid into a difficult child for you to manage in the future. This drawing of comparisons with others may alienate the child from the parents and this common parenting mistake should not be done.

You should always remember that not valuing your child and constantly comparing them with others will make them weak. The kid may develop a sense of inferiority complex and may not come out of this mental block.

Other kids may be fast learners or good at sports but do give credit to your child too. Even if there is scope for much improvement, still highlight the positives of your kid. Appreciating your kid in front of others will do wonders for his confidence. By comparing your kids with other children, you are depriving them of what they can achieve in life with just some encouragement.

7. Giving stress to the kid through violence

At times, parents become abusive with kids and start hitting, yelling or scolding them. This is a common parenting mistake and must not take place, especially when the kid is small. There are other ways to make the kid understand rather than getting angry or hitting them. Discipline can’t be implemented when there is no respect and by hitting or yelling you are losing that respect in the eyes of a child. This harsh behavior explains how parents spoil kids at a young age.

Yelling and hitting the child

Yelling at the child or hitting it may seem an easy way for parents to make their kid fall in line. But in the long run, you are inviting trouble and may pay dearly for this parenting mistake. These incidents remain in the subconscious mind of the child and may encourage the child to do the same when they grow up.

So, for any fault of parents in old age, the same kid may return the favors by scolding or yelling at them. And you can’t complain too, for he or she may remind you of doing the same when they were young. You won’t want that thing in the future.

Being rude to the kids

Talking in a loud voice and dominating the child in the young years is a big parenting mistake and should be avoided. A time will come when the children will grow up and stand up against their scolding parents. That would make the situation very difficult for the parent and being polite right from the early days is better advised to avoid this unpleasant situation.

Since nothing can be achieved by being unnecessarily tough and rude, the best way is to sound more rational in approach. The kid should be taught in a firm but polite way. There are many ways to punish the kids. But it has to be done without sounding harsh.  

The child will respect the parents more when they grow up. Being a little patient in the early years of a child’s life will do wonders for the confidence of a child and build a beautiful relationship between a parent and the child. Thus, by avoiding this small parenting mistake, the life of the child and the parents will be better.

8. Inconsistency in Punishments

One day, when the kid makes a mistake, you punish it severely. But for the same mistake the other day, you let it go just because you had been promoted in the office that day. This inconsistency is also a reason why parents spoil kids at home.

Being inconsistent in the approach toward punishment

Although the punishment for any mistake is decided by you, it should be a consistent affair.

For example, your little son has taken the cycle out on the main road, despite your warning him against it. He does this frequently for two weeks.

While in the first week, on learning about this indiscipline, you didn’t allow him to use the cycle for two days because you were upset about this. However, the second time, you just smiled and told him, “You are too naughty” because it was a good day at the office.

This approach is totally wrong and counts as a parenting mistake and this is how parents spoil kids. Being a little consistent with punishments will impart discipline and a careful approach to your child. 

Not walking the talk

Parents often try to induce fear of punishment in the child but after some time, try to relieve the child of the fear of punishment themselves. Be persistent in your behavior and set the rules. If it was punishment in the first week, repeat the same treatment next time too, so that the kid gets the point.

By doing this, your kid gets the message that he may be deprived of cycling for two days, every time he thinks to take the bicycle on the road, even after being told not to do so by you. Being true to your words will certainly increase your respect in your kids’ eyes. By sounding a balanced and just person, you can get more respect from your child. It also prevents you from committing a parenting mistake of not being consistent when any punishment has to be given.

9. Parents arguing with each other in front of the kid

Arguing and counter-arguing with each other in front of children is also a parenting mistake, which is very common. Not all our conversations need to happen in front of the kids. The reason is that at times there will be disagreements and arguments which the kid will always be noting. And more often, we may not notice the kid noticing this. The parents should talk in a formal tone in front of the kid.

The kid takes a cue and acts accordingly

The kid observes all our conversations and notes them. When it is clear to kids that parents have ego issues, they manipulate the situation. Kids are very fast in analyzing that there exists a thin wall of disagreement between their parents.

When one parent does not agree with the other’s viewpoint, it may culminate in an argument. This gives rise to unwanted situations and should be avoided. The kid may pit one parent against the other while it has to get permission for an unreasonable demand.

For example, when the father gives in to the demand of the kid to play and the mother disallows it, it means disagreement. The kid will try to plead with one parent, as they know that the other parent will be made to agree.

But this is how parents spoil kids, as they manipulate the situation by exposing parents’ weaknesses and thus it is a parenting mistake.

Be firm, and if one parent has ordered against doing anything to the kid, the other parent should respect that. The kid should know that there is no scope for manipulation. Let the kid know that a ‘No’ from one parent also means a ‘No’ from the other parent.

10. Not allocating household chores

Sometimes parents avoid giving any task to the kid due to affection. But we need to understand that the kid needs to be aware of their surroundings and the things around them. By keeping it out of household chores, you are doing nothing good for the kid.

Keeping the child off from chores 

Some parents keep household tasks out of the ambit of their children due to being extremely sensitive and caring about them. But by not involving the kids in the household chores, they are spoiling the kids and making a parenting mistake. They are not only depriving them of the valuable experience that they can gain by performing these tasks but also rendering them under-confident.

Sooner or later, the kid has to do these tasks and then it will be difficult for him to perform the tasks. Also, the kids do not take any responsibility, thinking that their parents are going to take care of everything. So lethargy, inexperience and work shirking become the traits of the kid.

Missing out on teaching life skills

This is the time when parents can actually provide the best teaching skills to their children. This age is appropriate for children to learn something

Not introducing chores at the right time is a parenting mistake that can lead to dependency and lack of preparedness in adulthood. The earlier you start — even with tiny tasks — the more naturally responsibility becomes part of your child’s mindset.

Just make sure to introduce your kid to all the household chores. This will give it confidence and the necessary training for the future. You must distribute the chores in a phased manner. Also, these need to be as per the age of the kid. Therefore, instead of spoiling the kid and making a big parenting mistake, just make them work on something useful activity.

Some other parenting mistakes that spoil the kids:

• Bad-mouthing or disrespecting own parents in front of the kids.
• Smoking, drinking or saying bad words like slang, etc., in front of kids.
• Not imparting lessons on social issues, morals and ethics to kids when they are young.
• Not acting on any bad behavior of the child when it is young.
• Pitting siblings against each other for better competition.

Some FAQ’s regarding parenting mistakes are :